The Birth of Ruby Estelle Bush
At 39 weeks pregnant, I started to get that anxious excited feeling.
"I've only got one week until my due date! I didn't even make it to my due date with Lucy! With Ruby being my third baby, she could come even sooner!"
My logical brain knew that I could still be pregnant for weeks, but I still couldn't help but feel like it wasn't going to be much longer...
39 Weeks
On Tuesday November 13th, I woke up with some pretty consistent contractions that were strong enough that I had to breathe through them. I actually installed a contraction timing app on my phone so that I could see exactly how close together they were (something I've never bothered doing with my other two because my contractions never seemed consistent enough to time). They were coming about every eight minutes and lasting about one minute each. I was pretty excited to think that we might have a "Ruby Tuesday" and I got up out of bed thinking that movement would help things along. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect and my labor all but stalled completely. I tried resting a few different times throughout the day hoping that it would pick back up again, but it never did and by the evening, I felt completely frustrated. I sent my friend Jess, who had just given birth to her daughter three months before, a text telling her what I had been experiencing and she suggested that maybe Ruby was malpositioned and thought I should so some pelvic tilts in the water to see if that might help. I debated filling up the birth pool just because it has more space than the tub and I would be able to really get down in the water and let my belly float, but it was about 9pm by then and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through all of the effort if it wasn't going to work. I also had a midwife appointment the very next day and figured that maybe I should just wait it out and see if Tammi had any suggestions. I decided to just try to go to bed, but after a few more contractions-but-not-really, I got frustrated again and decided to fill the pool.
I got in around midnight and stayed in for maybe an hour while watching More Business of Being Born. I had a few stronger contractions, but nothing really felt much different so I got out around 1am and got back in bed.
Jon had come to bed by then and was sleeping. I only laid there for maybe 15 minutes before I started to feel contractions again and these were much stronger! When they got intense enough that I needed to vocalize through them, I decided to get back in the pool. I also took some fetal heart tones with the fetoscope and counted 164 beats per minute, a good strong heartbeat. Right before I got in the pool, Jon asked me if I wanted him to call Tammi. I hesitated because I've always had this fear of calling my birth team over only to have my labor stop and then feel bad for wasting everybody's time (especially considering that it was now 2am). I told him to go ahead and call and at least give her an update. As he was ending his conversation with her, a really strong contraction hit and I remember him asking me if I wanted her to come down or wait a little while. I wasn't able to answer him and all I could think about was getting into the pool as quickly as possible. He told me after I had gotten in that she was on her way (good call, husband, good call). Right before I got in, I snapped what I knew would probably be my last belly photo of Ruby.
I got in the pool and put on the Hypnobabies: Easy First Stage track and tried to focus on that while I labored through contractions. The water eased them up a bit, but they were still strong enough that I had to vocalize through them. When that track ended, I put on one of the music playlists that I had put together. That's about the time Tammi and Camilla arrived and Lucy woke up. I immediately felt myself tense up because I had been really nervous about how she would do if she were awake and present during the birth. She cried a little bit, I think mainly out of confusion as to why I was "mmmmm-ing" and "ahhhhh-ing" in a giant pool full of water in the bedroom and why there were people walking all over the bedroom. She calmed down fairly quickly and ended up being in very good spirits. She eventually joined me in the pool and she kissed me and patted me as I labored and said, "ok mama, ok." It was the sweetest thing and a memory that I will never ever let go of. I also found it helpful to tell Lucy out loud that everything was ok and I was ok. It was a "trick" that my doula-friend Cassie had told me about witnessing at a few births where siblings were present. The kids need to hear mom tell them it's ok and the more mom says it, the more she believes it herself.
"I'm ok."
I have no idea what time it was at this point, time didn't even exist. My contractions had gone from strong and intense to just waves and waves of painful pressure. I was kneeling in the pool, my legs and feet were asleep, and I could no longer stand being touched. The hardest part was that it felt like there was no gradual shift in what I was feeling, it just suddenly went from manageable to completely overwhelming. I am so grateful for my husband and my birth team who sat by silently supporting me and not once telling me what to do or even making suggestions. I had said several times throughout my pregnancy that I really wanted to do my own thing during labor and I absolutely did not want a coached pushing stage. There were a few times where I felt like I was losing control and demanded that somebody tell me what to do and they responded perfectly by telling me to do whatever my body was telling me to do. I remember looking into my husband's eyes and begging him to help me and he reminded me that I didn't NEED his help, that Ruby and I knew exactly what to do and how to do it and that he was proud of me. I did at one point ask him to pray for me and although he did so silently, I immediately felt the tension leave my body and I was able to focus again.
He is amazing.
The pressure was getting to the point that it finally occurred to me that I might be ready to push. I was also afraid of pushing too soon and exhausting myself so I decided to check and see if I could feel Ruby's head. I didn't have to reach up very far before I was able to feel the top of her head still covered by a bulging bag of fluid. This was so exciting because feeling her head meant that there was a really close end in sight and that got me motivated to push when I felt the pressure. With each push, I felt her head move down further, but when the contraction would end, I felt it slide back up. I knew that this was normal, but I still didn't like it. I also didn't like how intense the pressure was and felt like if my water would just break, it wouldn't be so bad. I gave a few more pushes and started to feel really discouraged with my water still being intact and the "one step forward, two steps back" I felt I was getting with pushing. With the next contraction, I gave a strong push to try and get her head down as far as I could and when I felt her head start to slip back up, I grabbed what I could of the sac and gave a little pinch. Immediately, I felt the familiar "pop" and immediately the pressure was gone! I announced that my water had broke and with the next contraction, I pushed and when her head came down, it didn't recede back up as far so I decided to keep pushing. I really just wanted my baby out and in my arms. Once I broke my water, I remember just pushing and pushing, with or without contractions. Of course as soon as I started to feel the "ring of fire", I almost lost my nerve because I knew getting her head out was going to be the hardest part (but also the last hard thing I had to do before she was in my arms as the body is really pretty easy). I remember hearing words of encouragement from Jon and my birth team, but I couldn't tell you what all they were saying. I remember telling myself that this was it, this is what I had waited for and worked for and I just needed to do it. I'm pretty sure I screamed her out, I definitely did not have one of those silent, peaceful waterbirths that you see in the videos! I gave one big, long push though and then finally, her head was out. I remember happily proclaiming over and over, "Her head is out! Oh my God, her head is out! I want the rest of her out!" One more big push and I got my wish, my baby was in my hands!
I lifted her out of the water and immediately went into auto-pilot. I turned over and sat down with her on my chest and immediately noticed how much vernix covered her back. This made me really happy because neither one of my other two babies had been very vernixy. I kissed her head and breathed in her sweet, freshly born scent. Jon was leaning over us both and looking down at her in awe and Lucy was repeating, "Aww, baby cute! Baby cute!" over and over. I wish I could have frozen that moment, wrapped it up in a little box, and saved it forever to relive whenever I need to be reminded of how amazing life is. After spending a few moments with us, Jon went and woke Ari up and she joined us, happily admiring her new sister. I was feeling so many emotions during this time, but I think the strongest was love for my new precious girl and disbelief that my birth was so amazing. I really didn't think that I would ever have a birth that would leave me feeling so elated.
I'm not sure how long we stayed in the pool, but I don't think it was too long. I had mentioned before she was even born that I felt like the water wasn't very warm anymore (though Jon and everybody else said it was fine) and I was really concerned that she would get cold. After I birthed the placenta, Tammi and Camilla helped me out and into some dry clothes. Ruby and I got into bed and they got us covered up and checked me for tears (none!). Then they left the room and let us be together as a family for about an hour before coming in and doing the newborn exam and burning the cord.
7lbs 4oz
Getting ready to burn the cord. If you want to know more about cord burning, you can find information here.
I wish I had known how beautiful this photo was going to turn out because I would have put my phone down (I was taking photos).
After the exam and the cord burning, things started to wind down. Ruby was nursing on and off and the girls were wandering in and out of the room. I was starting to feel tired, but at the same time too excited to sleep. I eventually sent out texts and photos to friends and family members letting them know that Ruby had arrived. Tammi went over a few postpartum care sheets with me and told me to call if I had any questions. Then she and Camilla left and it was just us I spent pretty much that entire day and the following day in bed with Ruby, sleeping and nursing and just getting used to having a newborn again. Jon was amazing and took over all of my daily tasks so that I could rest.
Proud (and tired!) daddy
Already a star
Snuggling with mama
Ruby and her biggest sister
Ruby and her big sister
So that's the story of how Ruby Estelle joined us! Oh, for those who are wondering what ever happened to my doula and my photographer.....Jon tried calling them both shortly after he called Tammi to come out and neither one of them answered. He called them multiple times throughout my labor, leaving messages and hoping that eventually they would wake up. I think it was close to about the time I was getting ready to push that I told him to just not worry about it, it was clear that even if we got a hold of them at that point, they probably wouldn't make it in time. Jon and my birth team knew how important it was to me to have photos and they made sure to take tons with my camera, the iPads, and our phones. I still would have loved to have gorgeous professional photos, but I LOVE the shots that they got between the three of them and am happy that I have documentation of my second homebirth :)
A few thoughts/random facts:
*Ruby came at 39w5 days, which is one day later than Lucy came at 39w4d.
*Ruby weighed 7lbs 4 oz and was 19 inches long making her my shortest and second heaviest child (Ari was lightest and longest, Lucy was heaviest and in the middle for length).
*My labor was exactly three hours long from the time the contractions got intense and consistent to the time that Ruby was born. I NEVER thought I would have (nor did I ever think I wanted) such a quick labor.
*My labor moved so quickly that I completely forgot to put on my birth necklace, though I did have it nearby.
*My husband and my birth team were wonderful! They supported me in exactly the way that I needed to be supported and there is not one thing that I would change about the way any of them acted/reacted at my birth. I will be forever grateful for the confidence that they gave me in myself by never once telling me what to do or putting their hands on me without permission. Every woman deserves a birth team that will empower her.
*I wavered my entire pregnancy about whether or not to have a waterbirth because I was so afraid that having the baby in the water would wash away that freshly-birthed-baby smell. I am happy to report that the water didn't have any affect on smell and now that I've had a waterbirth, I can't imagine ever NOT having a waterbirth!
Huge thank you to everybody who was with me through my pregnancy and the birth of my third daughter! I wish I could list everyone, but I just know I would leave out several names because there were so many of you. I will just say that if you supported me, encouraged me, educated me, gave me advice, came to my Blessingway, sent me beads for my birth necklace, helped me work through my fears and the disappointments of my previous two births, or even just prayed for me and sent positive thoughts....you helped give me an amazing experience! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
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